i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
