can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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