I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
