For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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