You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
