He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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