You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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