Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you will always have a special place in my vag
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
