it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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