would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
