mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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