next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
