I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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