Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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