So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
