Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
