I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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