I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
