i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
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You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult