Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.

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(508): i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker. http://tfl.nu/03y7

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit

(303): View more from Colorado

I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex

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(832): I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit (303): I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex http://tfl.nu/u4ul

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(281): View more from Texas

ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)

(214): View more from Texas

Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

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(281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one) (214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping. http://tfl.nu/odlj

Replies (15) Good night (2381) Bad night (841)
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(516): View more from New York

I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...

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(516): I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero... http://tfl.nu/d5tx

Replies (24) Good night (5476) Bad night (527)
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(806): View more from Texas

Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.

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(806): Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks. http://tfl.nu/pxy6

Replies (24) Good night (1546) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
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(620): View more from Kansas

Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

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(620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

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(603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

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(609): I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something. http://tfl.nu/5sjh

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(214): View more from Texas

No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.

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(214): No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds. http://tfl.nu/2lul

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(937): View more from Ohio

She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.

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(937): She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain. http://tfl.nu/rayu

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.

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(678): I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school. http://tfl.nu/ax1k

Replies (14) Good night (3773) Bad night (751)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.

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(231): Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs. http://tfl.nu/oqp6

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.

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(307): I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER. http://tfl.nu/f0gg

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.

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(303): I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list. http://tfl.nu/udqv

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.

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(215): I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/lvx4

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