all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it