from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor