Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job