So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
