Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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