apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
