then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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