he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
