his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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