I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
