What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
