If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
