I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize