So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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