I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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