I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
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When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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