I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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