I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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