rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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