Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
