Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
