If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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