glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
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