i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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