my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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