Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got inside last night via doggy door
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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