no one should ever give us hovercrafts
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All the doctor said was why
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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