I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just blew my weed a kiss
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
