Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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