Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
