His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
