Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
