I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
