We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
