I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
