i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
