You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she told me i tasted like america
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
