the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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