if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
