fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
