just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
